I may have neglected this blog for far too long and I may have a year's worth of catching up to do, but I wanted to make sure I documented Scarlett's birth.
Because we are in the middle of a global pandemic and we weren't really seeing very many people, we also decided to keep the baby a surprise from everyone. We didn't announce to anyone besides family, and only friends who saw me walking around pregnant knew that we were due with baby number five! It was kind of fun to keep it a surprise (kind of lonely at times) and it became a sort of game to see how long we could keep the secret going.
Despite the hard pregnancy and pandemic, I still managed to hike lots of mountains while pregnant.
At thirty-nine weeks pregnant, Brigham and I went on a date and hiked Little Si. It was super fun and empowering to conquer another mountain. Hiking is my happy place and I knew I wanted to get one more in before I wouldn't be able to go for a while.
Little did I know, I would have longer than I thought.
Baby Scarlett's due date was August 22nd, 2020. That Saturday came and went and I knew my body wasn't ready to deliver. Most of my babies have been late and I had a feeling this fifth one would be no different. They are comfy in my belly.
Five days later, attending an appointment with my midwife, it was decided I would schedule an induction for a week later but go in that afternoon for a non-stress test to make sure the baby was doing well and was fine to wait to be induced.
I went across the street to the hospital where they hooked me up to monitors and listened to the baby's heart-rate for twenty minutes. In those twenty minutes, I had a contraction and the baby's heart rate dipped during the contraction and then came right back up, but that made it so the non-stress test had to continue to see if the baby would continue for future contractions. That also caused the midwife to come in and tell me that I was showing signs of placental aging since the baby's heart rate dropped. To her, it indicated that my placenta was getting older (I was five days overdue!) and so it possibly couldn't sustain oxygen to the baby as it should during contractions so the midwife wanted me to get a full ultrasound to make sure everything was fine with the baby and that my fluid levels were good. She also wanted me to move the induction date up. I knew it was common for babies to have their heart rate drop during a contraction and as long as it comes right back up, everything should be fine, so I thought it all was a bit extreme and silly but I just went along with it. An ultrasound wouldn't hurt and moving the induction up a few days would be ok too.
During the ultrasound, the baby was stubborn, as per usual, and wouldn't do anything until the literal last minute of the timed-test. But in that minute she performed beautifully and everything was measured at the highest score and the rest of the non-stress test was perfect too. The nurse told me that if it had been the second twenty minutes of the test they had looked at, I would have been done and gone a long time ago. At this point, I was getting dressed and ready to leave. I stopped by the nurse's station to move my induction and they wanted to see if I could get my mandatory COVID-19 test done then so I wouldn't have to do it when I came in to be induced later. The midwife also told them she wanted me to have a cervical exam so they could have a baseline to see how far along I was for when I came in to be induced later. After three hours, I was so close to walking out that door, but I turned around back to the room to undress for a quick COVID test and cervical exam. I was a bit frustrated but willing to jump through the hoops to get out of there!
A nurse performed a thorough cervical exam. She was shocked to discover that I was dilated to a five or a six already. She kept feeling over and over again and exclaiming how she didn't know how I wasn't in labor because I was so dilated. I just shrugged and said that it was pretty normal for me. She said she needed another nurse to check me because she was so surprised and wanted someone else to confirm. I thought that was ridiculous but, whatever. Just get me out of there. Then she administered the COVID-19 test. Let me tell you, that was THE WORST. I would rather have five cervical exams than that test. She stuck a long cotton swab up my nose to my brain and wiggled it around, causing intense stinging and my eyes to well up with tears. Then she repeated it on the other side. It burned and continued to burn after the test. I used up quite a few Kleenex's blowing my nose to try to relieve the burning and to wipe away my tears. The nurse told me she didn't want to let me know it was the worse of the two exams I needed.
After the COVID test, another nurse came in to perform another cervical exam to double-check the first nurse's measurements. She had a hard time finding the edge of my cervix and spent forever feeling around. "I can feel your bag of water," she mused out loud as she pushed and prodded me. I could feel her feeling my bag of waters and irritatingly replied snarky comments back to her in my head. She confirmed the first nurse's measurements and when she removed her hand it was covered in blood from being so rough. I feel like she swept my membranes without my permission while she was examining me.
After she conferred with the midwife about my measurements, I was told they might not let me go home since I was so far dilated. I let them know I wanted to go home to get my stuff but they said I would have to be rechecked in through the hospital and that it would be a pain with all the COVID restrictions. The midwife had her tell me I had three options:
1. Walk around for an hour and see if labor starts.
2. Get induced now.
3. Leave and come back later for my scheduled induction.
At this point, I was feeling some pretty strong contractions from all of their invasive cervical exams and I chose to stay for an hour to see if the contractions would turn into true labor.
In that next hour, the contractions became really strong and I started shaking from the intensity. I called Brigham and my mom and told them they better get to the hospital fast. With Ivy, I only took a half-hour to deliver, and with the intensity of the contractions I was feeling, I was worried they were going to miss it. I flagged a nurse and let her know it was the real deal and that I would like to be admitted to my actual birthing room and the midwife notified.
I was checked into my birthing room around 6 pm and my mom and Brigham arrived shortly thereafter. My contractions were coming every couple of minutes and were pretty strong. The nurses were all over me, strapping me to baby monitors, taking my blood pressure, asking me questions and more. I felt so claustrophobic and just wanted them to leave me alone so I could labor in peace. I felt like screaming and kept asking when I could be off the monitor.
Around 7 pm they finally left me alone and when I was able to calm down and relax and labor on my own, the contractions started to slow down and then my labor completely stalled. As soon as I was able to breathe and relax, the contractions stopped because I wasn't in real labor to begin with but induced contractions from the stress of the cervical exams. I tried bouncing on a birthing ball to pick it back up, but with minimal results. Deciding I didn't want to prolong this ordeal all night long, I called the midwife in to break my water to get things moving again.
At 8:15 pm, she came in and checked me, declaring me at 7-8 cm and broke my water. As soon as my water broke and I started walking around, my contractions came back and picked up intensity quickly. Soon, I could only focus on breathing through each contraction and I climbed onto the bed to kneel against the back of it and hold on for dear life through the pain. I tried the nitris gas, but it was too hard to breathe deeply with the mask on and I didn't feel like it did anything effectively so I abandoned it quickly.
The contractions were painful and I was somewhat relieved to feel the urge to push along with the pain. I began pushing and tried to focus on that instead of the pain. I had asked my midwife to coach me through pushing so that I didn't tear, and she told me I was doing a good job, but I wasn't sure if I was pushing too fast or not. Luckily, my mom was there to tell me to keep pushing harder and that I could just finish pushing out the baby. I needed her voice and her guidance to get me through that last bit! Pushing Scarlett's head out was the most pain I've ever been in and I felt that ring of fire for the first time. I screamed like a wild animal as her head finally emerged and it felt like my very soul was being ripped in two.
The relief was instant but short-lived as the shoulders needed to be delivered with the next contraction. I pushed and screamed and suddenly my mom was yelling at me to turn over. The baby's shoulders were stuck and they couldn't get her out with me on my hands and knees. I flipped over as fast as possible, willing to do anything to get this over with, and with another bit of incredible pain, the shoulders were out. She was born!
Scarlett Lenore Tappana was born at 9:00 pm, on the dot, and weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and was 19.25 inches long. Her cord was extremely short, one of the shortest my mom's ever seen and, as a previous midwife, she's seen her fair share. Later we marveled at how everything went so well with the delivery and how healthy Scarlet was with such a short cord.
I had to push the placenta out which was still painful and getting all the membranes and having them push on my stomach and coughing to get all the last bits out was not fun. I thought I was prepared for this delivery after delivering
Ivy naturally, but it was so much more painful and traumatic this time. It just goes to show how every birth is unexpected and different. However, like with Ivy, after I delivered I began to shake uncontrollably and felt uncomfortable and terrible. The midwife quickly wrapped me tightly in sheets and put pressure on my chest and stroked my hair which helped calm my body. My mom also came and stroked my shoulder and having her there helped. Brigham was busy being a great dad, doing skin-to-skin with Scarlett since I wasn't able to. After about a half-hour, the shaking finally stopped and I could look around and see what was happening with my baby. It's like my body goes into shock after the ordeal of giving birth and flips out on me for a while. It's hard and feels awful.
Despite all the descriptions of pain and trauma, my labor was only three and a half hours long, with a good forty-five minutes of stalled labor in the middle. I also didn't tear, which was my number one request. After my body finally calmed down, I felt so much better and my pain was almost nothing. It was the quickest and best recovery in the hospital. I was so grateful!
Scarlett, too, must have been traumatized by the birth because she cried and cried and cried that first night. Not much would calm her down until she eventually was swaddled and rested. I was worried she was going to be a difficult baby because of that, but the next day she was calm and rarely cried. She just was upset by how hard that birth was too!
Scarlett has a darker complexion than all my other kids and somewhat of a different look. However, she is definitely a Tappana baby and has a mixture of all the Tappana looks in there. She has lots of dark Nelson hair, hairy little ears, long fingers and toes, and a sweet disposition. The longer I recovered and came back to myself, and as I sat staring at her as she nursed, I fell in love with that little baby! It's true that once again my heart expanded to love even more and I welcomed her with joy to our family. It's been a week now, but it feels like she's been with us for much longer. The kids are so sweet and loving to her and I can't wait to see what ruckus her and Ivy stir up together.
Birthing babies is hard. But I'm strong and I've done it five times now. Each birth and pregnancy was challenging, but each one was a miracle and I am so blessed to have partnered with God to deliver five beautiful children. I am strong! I did it! Women are strong! Especially with the support like I have from Brigham as he's held my hand as I received epidurals, or touched my shoulder and told me I'm doing a good job during contractions. And support from my mom and I look up to her delivering seven children. She called me a superwoman after birthing Scarlett and really, I know I get that from her. I don't want to forget any birth story because they are the greatest achievements of my life. Each one has produced an amazing human being I get to be a mom to.
Welcome to the world, Scarlett. Oh, how I love you!
